best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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