so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
