it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
