Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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