I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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