i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
