I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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