somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
