the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
