i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
