peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
