He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
