my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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