Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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