No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
