Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
