You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When are your genitals available?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
