You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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