I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
