It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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