Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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