dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
