you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
