Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
