Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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