Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
