I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
