How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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