Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
