worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
