Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
