My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
