My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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