Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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