My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
