I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
