living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dicks are not precious.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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