just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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