i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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