Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize