hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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