new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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