There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
