You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
