I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
