I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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