I'm really into asian looking animals
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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