i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
