i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
