The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
