i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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