No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
