I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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