we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize