I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
