Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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