Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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