I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
