these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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