i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
