this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
