i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
