chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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