Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
