So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
