let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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