she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
