You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
