Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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