Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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