Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize