You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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